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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in sailzonshadows' LiveJournal:

Monday, February 26th, 2007
9:27 pm
So then, s' been a while, but so what.
no-one is readin this anyways.

the only reason I got this blog is so i could keep i touch with someone
but i'm sure that someone has long since moved on...
but if SHE sees this,

Hi
Lets chat sometime(yeah right dream on)

Current Mood: discontent
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
12:21 am
Christmas BLOWS
i thought that back in time,
my choices were my own
but now i find in present light
that choices are unknown

for in this mist i blunder
finding feet won't lead the way
i try to reach with fuddled hands
and find nothing in dismay

it seems im led upon a path
that wasnt made for me
but hiding in this disarray
is a future made to be

i struggle against the ties that drag me
further from that i wish
but chains they are and dont let go
until ive reached that niche

the toil against life is wearing thin
the resolve i used to know
for i find that time is cruel true
for wounds that heal too slow

everything i want and more
just seems too far away
tears build up inside of dams
and there they seem to stay

could this be the end of what i was
i shudder at the thought
for all the dreams and fantasies
that i thought those choices got

it seems to me unknown to myself
that this is the damning truth
for choices are not what they seem
indeed they play the sleuth

but time and life flow on
passing by with each regret
leaving me an empty shell
of life i chose to forget.
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
10:43 am
Is this pic stupid or what?
I'm an angel aren't I ???
HAHAHAHA!!!
Saturday, September 18th, 2004
10:49 am
Mademarian where art thou? Mars?
You WORRY me.
Not to mention prolly everyone around you...
Want to help cheer you up, but my dumbass forgot AND lost
your info(s)...so please, please, please...say SOMETHING

ANYTHING.

Miss you, love you, don't do anything stupid.
Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
9:52 pm
Mars, miss ya...
If yer feeling like talking to a certain someone,
you could give up yer cell # to me again...(i forgot).
hope to hear from you soon.
B.J.
Thursday, August 12th, 2004
9:25 am
Two lovers torn....spellcraft and such (I'm such a meanie...hehe)
In distant worlds where two have met,
Leaves one hanging by a thread to forget.
Not long now but too far involved,
I am asking my problem be solved.

For in her was peace, my need to be filled...
Brought me was heartache, my blood be spilled.

----------------------------------------------

I smite thee from afar, oh Lycan!
May sabers of spite perforate the softness of your unconscious,
One for every stab of pain my heart has gained!
Let no cry from your soul fall on benevolent ears!
May the sight of you stillborn in agony find no sympathetic eye!
Taste no sweetness, but for the burn of wormwood upon thy tongue!
And from the rot and brimstone of the Abyss, may you smell nothing but the incense of your demise.
Incessant torture shall be amplified throughout your cursed body...may you feel no pleasure.
And for those who bleed for you in their prayers, may they be exsanguinated!
May no mercy befall you by proxy.
May thy voice be muted.
May any succor you seek be rendered nil.
May the bounty of forgiveness
hide from you...as does a thief from justice.

----------------------------------------------

Upon the icy and violent winds howling about your domain, the urgency of my treacherous wish is carried.


My will be done.
So Be It.
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
10:46 pm
My baby girl
Meghan Lydia Greenawalt

My baby girl was born last Tuesday at 550am.
She was 6lbs&6.10 oz. Length 19 1/2 inches.
Looks like her daddy...sweet deep blue eyes, and puppy soft brown hair...
She's so perfect, I'm so lucky, and SO happy.
Just thought I'd let you know.
I WILL send you pics as soon as they are developed.
Just thought I'd tell you Tanya.
You are not forgotten.
Love you.
Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
2:10 am
Dreams, .....
Had a dream the other day about my teeth falling out...
started with my front one, then I was running around trying to find a place where I wouldn't freak everyone out to spit the rest(whole mouthful).
Happened about three times in a row.
A couple of people said that it is a symbol of having something to say and either not being able to say it, or choosing not to say it.
I could think of quite a few different scenarios.

Most of the time, I'm confined within a shell that I have created to avoid having to constantly explain myself to people...

Another explanation?
Involves two different females in my life,
one I'm falling out of love with, but who has my child in her,
and another that I can't see...but whom I miss horribly.
Sunday, March 28th, 2004
5:07 pm
What a strange 2 days its been
Saturday, almost in its entirety, was a complete waste.

Found out that some of my "friends" wear masks when they want to be stingy. Our core group shares what it has...almost like a commune, and these two individuals felt that they would rather get fucked up alone or with someone else than share back with the commune. Fuck em'. I'm never buying those bitches alcohol or getting them another sack EVER again.

Today, however, is the complete opposite. The weather is gorgeous, the atmosphere tingling with the essences of spring.
I love the smell in the air. It makes me NOT want to leave this earth at an early date. Blessed Be.

I'm going to try some of these weird quiz thingies and see what happens.

Current Mood: content
Friday, March 26th, 2004
12:02 pm
Another ?fruitless? day
So, it's friday. Whoopdie freakin who.

Ya know, weekends used to hold so much in my younger days, but now it feels almost as bad as the rest of the week...sometimes worse...especially when I'm broke.
Maybe something will stand out from the piled-up boredom to drag me out of my foot-thick, ice cold shell. I won't hold my breath.

I feel much different about myself now than I did even two months ago. Some of the things I say may betray this, but I am actually feeling much less down on myself, even in the midst of an extremely difficult transition. Perhaps for the better I assume.

I've been smokin dope all day long for two months also...
and now the sudden LACK thereof is making me VERY edgy.
I let it become my coping mechanism(or maybe it's my own self-prescribed medicin?) and without that, I feel great amounts of anger and hostility from seemingly out of no-where.
Watch Out!!

Current Mood: restless
Thursday, March 25th, 2004
11:33 pm
The day the story begins...
I'll try to keep this short.

Was given a big break since all the fun(<---Deeply cutting sarcasm) with Lisa's best friends passing away. It has been strange doing so much moving around and adjusting from one lifestyle to another in rapid succession. The big break? My parents said me and Lisa could stay here until I get a few paychecks under my belt, then they are gonna help fund an apartment to get us as independant as possible.

Lisa needs the break from children and such, but she misses them very much too. I think the opportunity to focus on herself will be good for us all. Dave, the guy we moved around with so much(the deceased's fiance), is the cause.
But it's understandable that he's totally confused and disoriented from it all, and trying to find some stability in his childrens atmosphere. And hence we went along until the "offer" was given. Thank God Thats Over.

Back to having a somewhat peaceful life(maybe). I won't count my chickens before they're hatched though, maybe fate will be feeling especially cruel sometime soon...damnit.

This journal thingy may just come in handy...
As therapy for me, and a good laugh for the critics.Fuck em'!
For she who knows me...(hint hint)...good to be back. I feel bad about not sending you what I said I should. I feel distant, and that is the worst...I don't wanna be that way.
Stick with me, I value your friendship no matter what.
Miss You too, kitten.
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